The
US government has a new website,
http://www.ready.gov. It's another attempt at scare-mongering in the style
of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.
What’s really fun is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean
anything! Here are a few interpretations.

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are
Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about a cool
design for a new tattoo.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least
one (1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead,
dead eyes, run the hell away.

Hurricanes, animal corpses and your potential new tattoo have a lot in
common. Think about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to
rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region.
After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, dangly bits start falling off.

After exposure to radiation it is important to anticipate that you may have
mutated into a giant. Watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close
the window. No one wants to see that shit.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower
in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand like Fonzie until they stop.

If you are trapped under fallen debris, consider not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, you should be ashamed of
yourself.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power
pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood is dandy protection against radiation.

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple as you die.
|